An Honest Dentist Ad

You’ve ignored reminder postcards from your dentist for years now. You’ve dreaded the guilt trip from your dentist more than your own parents. But starting this week is the biggest semi-annual dentist appointment ever. Because it’s the one you’ll actually go to. Because you’re an adult, and adults go to Read more…

City’s Alcoholism Rebranded As Culture

Clickhole The Onion The A.V. Club Deadspin Gizmodo Jalopnik Jezebel Kotaku Lifehacker The Root Splinter The Takeout The Inventory null News In Photos Yesterday 12:15pm SEE MORE: travel SEE MORE: travel travel alcohol News Vol 55 Issue 37 Edit Embiggen Send to Editors Promote Share to Kinja Toggle Conversation tools Read more…

Rowdy Grandma Double-Fisting Grandchildren

VALDOSTA, GA—Urging the feisty senior to pace herself, concerned Jackson family sources confirmed Wednesday that rowdy grandmother Arlene Jackson was seen careening around her son-in-law’s birthday party double-fisting grandchildren. “Nana’s got her arms so full of grandbabies that she’s practically falling over—she needs to slow down,” said Jackson’s daughter Olivia, Read more…

House Democrats Vow To Hold President Accountable With Agriculture Bill Where First Letter Of Every Line Spells Out ‘Impeach Trump’

WASHINGTON—Seeking to mollify a segment of their base clamoring for inquiries into the president’s misconduct, House Democrats announced Tuesday that they would be holding the administration accountable by voting on an agricultural bill in which the first letter of every line spells out “Impeach Trump.” “We believe this is a Read more…

Features Of The iPhone 11

Apple CEO Tim Cook unveiled the iPhone 11 at a press conference on Tuesday. The Onion runs down the most significant features and specs of the new iPhone. Camera is better in subtle ways you’ll never be able to comprehend but are definitely real. Advertisement 3.5-inch-thick bulletproof glass screens. Wireless Read more…

Connoisseur Only One Not Enjoying Wine

Clickhole The Onion The A.V. Club Deadspin Gizmodo Jalopnik Jezebel Kotaku Lifehacker The Root Splinter The Takeout The Inventory null News In Photos Yesterday 7:30am SEE MORE: alcohol SEE MORE: alcohol alcohol food News Vol 55 Issue 37 Edit Embiggen Send to Editors Promote Share to Kinja Toggle Conversation tools Read more…